Since the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey series, the masses have begun to seek kinky lifestyles. Though mocked by the broader BDSM community, Fifty Shades is responsible for making erotic spanking mainstream in our current era. So, let’s delve further into some spankety-spank – here’s some handy stuff I’ve learnt on my journey through spanking…
People love spanking for a variety of reasons. Some love it because they like to explore pleasure and pain. Others like the role-play aspect of spanker and spankee. I enjoy being spanked for a combination of reasons – I like to be dominated plus I enjoy the sting of a decent flogging. Many cultures consider ‘pain’ a potent aphrodisiac. For instance, The Kama Sutra has chapters on how to strike your lover properly during sex.
Spanking can be used as a form of foreplay or it can be a stand-alone event. I have found that spanking during coitus can bring on the most powerful orgasms. I’m talking serious full-body-holy-crap-orgasms – the buzz-word is ‘intense’.
Spanking can be carried out by a bare hand or a large array of instruments including a hairbrush, a cane, a paddle or a whip. If you’re exploring spanking for the first time with a partner I would suggest starting out with a bare hand then moving to a paddle with light smacks.
Trust is incredibly important when exploring spanking with a partner and it’s equally important to have a safe-word and to use it when necessary.
I have had the unfortunate experience of being spanked by someone that I wasn’t attracted to. It was incredibly awkward. If there is no spark to begin with then don’t add spanking. Because it won’t be erotic at all. It will just feel uncomfortable and stupid.
Spanking works best over a knee, but the spankee can also be draped over a chair, bed or other piece of appropriate furniture. If you really want to get into some serious spanking you can purchase some apparatus such as a spanking bench which has special restraints.
When I am exploring spanking with a new partner, I lie on my stomach on a bed and prop a pillow under my pelvis, this naturally postures your buttocks for a good throttle. Get your partner to start with soft spontaneous smacks, slowly working up to a smack that stings.
This isn’t an absolute necessity during a spanking session but I believe it helps. Getting into character as Master and Slave adds some extra spiciness to the overall experience.
Alternate between the soft touch of a feather then swift swat of a paddle. Alternate between pleasure and pain. I find with spanking that half of the excitement is in the anticipation.
Once you get the hang of spanking, you can really start to push your boundaries and take more risks. Why not add some fun to a spanking session? For starters, you can ask your partner to spank you whilst you’re having sex and experiment with different positions. You could even buy more spanking gear and costumes or attend a BDSM party or a club. There is so much to learn within and about the BDSM scene and it’s international.
Spanking has added so much joy to my sex life over the years. I really can’t imagine life without it and I hope it can bring some red bottomed joy to your life too.
Vanessa de Largie is an Australian actress, sex columnist and freelance journalist based in London
For the full article grab the April 2018 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.