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Mouse Hunt! Where’s the Love Online?

The web is crawling with friendly women. Here’s how to get them out of the modem and onto your mattress.

If you’re between the ages of 12 and 62, you’ve tried to meet a woman online, which isn’t a surprise. Researchers at the University of Texas report that 30 per cent of women who meet a guy on the net have sex with him on their first face-to-face encounter. That’s some good odds.
But landing a lady online isn’t always as easy as it seems. You log tons of man-hours filtering through profiles, the small talk can be painful, and when you can’t read facial cues or body language, there’s room for miscommunication. One misstep and your chances of all-night action fizzle before you even pick a nice shirt to wear.
So to guarantee your next online foray results in off-line sex, we asked real girls which virtual moves got them excited. Add inside info from experts who run the top dating sites and you’ll be the net’s number-one Lothario in no time.

Pimp your profile
Wipe that grin off your face. No, seriously – wipe it off. The brains behind OKCupid – a renowned dating site that boasts almost four million users – analysed millions of user interactions. They say men who don’t smile in their photos – and who look off to the side rather than directly at the camera – receive the most emails from women.
“Sometimes a big grin can look goofy,” says Sasha, 32, proving the theory. “I was drawn to this guy who had a distant, mysterious look in his photo. I fantasised that he was an international spy. It turned out he worked in IT, but he was down to role-play a James Bond scenario in bed to satisfy me.”
If you don’t have a smouldering scowl to show off, aim to shine in the written part of your profile. Most girls say the best profiles are the ones that describe you without resorting to cliché. Advises Kate Bilenki, Director of Love at dating site, “Try to stand out. If you’re a rock star at karaoke or well-versed in Egyptian history, say so. It will differentiate you from everyone else who is a ‘nice guy’ who ‘likes movies’.”

Play the odds
With so many women online, how do you suss out a sure thing? Stats reveal you’re most likely to succeed with an older woman who ranks about a seven in looks. Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, explains, “The mail women receive increases exponentially with their hotness. Guys go crazy for the 10s – who they generally have no chance with – and ignore the slightly less beautiful, but still attractive, women.” So men fight two-to-one for the most gorgeous ladies while perfectly sexy women are waiting in the wings with nothing to do but watch awful Jennifer Aniston flicks. “I’m pretty cute, but I went my first eight weeks in online dating without even a wink,” confirms Ellie, 29. “The first guy who contacted me was rewarded with the most enthusiastic blowjob I’ve dished out in years.”
Likewise, girls in their 30s and 40s are an untapped wellspring of willingness. Rudder found nearly two-thirds of male users focus on girls younger than them. Yet older women are way more sexual. Grace, a 35-year-old divorcée, was recently involved in a kinky BDSM relationship with a 25-year-old she met online. “I wanted rough, tie-him-down sex,” she explains. “And he was down to be dominated, so we were the perfect match sexually. But outside the bedroom, I didn’t have much use for him.”

Click with chicks
If you’re ready to e-hit on someone, remember – girls say the least you can do is string a coherent sentence together. That means resist emoticons, poor spelling and netspeak. Rudder found that women’s response rates dropped nearly 67 per cent when men used words like “ur” and “ya”.
“Winky faces and LOLs make me feel like I’m emailing with Justin Bieber,” says Sarah, 32. “But I had a six-month affair with a guy I had awesome exchanges with first. He told funny stories, always responded to my questions, and was a master of the short, flirtatious message. When it was time to meet, I greeted him in lingerie.”
One surprising no-no when making contact for the first time is giving props to her hotness. “Compliment her personality, interests, anything but her looks,” says Rudder. “Words like ‘awesome’, ‘fascinating’, and ‘interesting’ do really well, while ‘beautiful’ and ‘sexy’ do poorly.”
Bilenki recommends gleaning some common ground from a girl’s profile. “Tell a story relating to information in her account,” she says. The move worked on Ellen, 27. “I had a photo of me playing skeeball, and this guy emailed to tell me about a league he was in. On our first date we played skeeball on the boardwalk, then f–ked in a dark corner of an arcade.”

Diversify your portfolio
Dating dot-coms are probably the most direct line to sex, but don’t neglect Facebook, Twitter, and Foursquare. “Social networking sites have a more casual feel than dating sites,” says James Houran, a PhD and columnist for “Men can browse the networks of family and friends to see if any attractive prospects pop up. If so, there are usually no more than six degrees of separation.”
Stacy, 26, got busy with a fellow Facebooker who took the site’s “suggested friends” advice and sent her a message. “I thought he was cute, and since we had friends in common, I was able to make sure he wasn’t bonkers,” she says. Her friends’ votes of approval led to a drinks date, which led to “the best oral I’ve ever got, on the hood of his car. Thanks, Mark Zuckerberg!”
That’s a perfect example of how just a little time spent at the computer not looking at porn can bring a far more satisfying pay-off.

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