Let’s Talk About Flex

Building a perfect body is ultimately a lot like making a beautiful sand castle. Part of what’s cool about sand castles, especially the more elaborate ones, is that we know they’re not going to be around for long. When it comes to our bodies, that’s something we like to ignore.

The difference between building beautiful bodies and making sand castles, of course, is that no one is going to want to f—k you just because you made an awesome sand castle. (That might happen, but it’s much more likely you’ll be struck by lightning and then immediately eaten by bears).

Building a good physique, on the other hand, is pretty much all you need to do to ensure that someone, somewhere will want to have sex with you. What’s strange about the temporary nature of our bodies is that this transient state of vibrancy is one of the very reasons why it’s so exciting to look good. If we never grew old and never died, I think life would probably devolve into something that resembles the boring experience of playing a video game on “God” mode.

A huge part of the fun of gaming is the awareness that you could get f—ked up at any moment. As soon as you remove that threat of vulnerability, running around and shooting things becomes meaningless. I’m betting that’s what it would feel like to be perfect and immortal. Our reality is that the physical bodies we use to move through this world are essentially slaves to the savage demands of the past.

The human race didn’t survive plagues, wolves, and barbarian hordes by being nonjudgmental about man boobs, double chins, and belly fat. We made it to 2015 because women are attracted to guys that look like Channing Tatum, and they want him to shoot his vibrant DNA inside them so they can make babies that will survive an invasion.

One day, though, even Magic Mike himself will go the way of the sand castle — reclaimed by an infinite process that doesn’t give a f—k about your six-pack or your sculpted pecs, or your stupid, sandy moat and turrets. Time washes it all away, so enjoy it while it lasts! ■

Photographed by Chris McPherson/August/Raven & Snow

For the full article grab the November 2015 issue of MAXIM Australia.

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Callan Mulvey

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