As he embarks on his latest stand-up tour, Loose Unit, this Aussie comedian sheds some light on his last day on earth…
Hey, mate, so what can audiences expect at your stand-up show?
A red-bearded man making fun of many things for an hour. Nothing political. Nothing preachy or annoying. Just funny. I aim for it to be the opposite of an average Facebook feed.
How do you want to leave this world?
The same way I came into it – screaming while wearing a Red Bull wingsuit.
Do you have any deathbed confessions?
I’ve never snitched and I don’t plan on starting at the end.
What’s your last meal?
Parma and pint with chips and Tabasco on the side.
Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
Heaven. I think I’ve been a good enough bloke and the pubs there will be the best. Pubs in Hell would have violent and psychotic lunatics in them. Pubs in Heaven would only have the drinkers that were nice enough to get up there in the first place. I love those people.
What do you say to God/the Devil when you get there?
I’d say, “The champ is here!” then either reach out for a fist bump or do a shaka/hang loose sign. I gotta figure that one out before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
Which legendary people will you hang out with in the afterlife?
My mate and hilarious stand-up comedian Luke Heggie. He’d greet me the usual way with a long, drawn out “G’daaaayyyyy, f–khead.” I’d return the greeting and then we’d have a beer while making fun of the place and the other people in it.
What are your beliefs on the supernatural?
It would be excellent to see a ghost, but I’m not going out of my way to find one.
What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard during your time on Earth?
Any joke that someone decides to tell me after they find out I’m a stand-up. Never good.
What’s the dumbest thing you ever did on Earth?
Booked an AirAsia flight.
Name one thing you’re glad you’ll never have to do again.
Go on an AirAsia flight.
What are your mates saying over your casket?
“Not a bad innings.” They’re not talking about me, of course, they’ll be watching sports on their phones.
What’s written on your tombstone?
WHY ARE YOU READING THIS? GO AND ENJOY YOURSELF!
Got any last words?
See you at the pub.
LOOSE UNIT TOUR DATES
MARCH 15-17: ADELAIDE FRINGE, FOWLER’S LIVE; 6-11: BRISBANE COMEDY FESTIVAL, BRISBANE POWERHOUSE (VISY THEATRE); 23: CANBERRA COMEDY FESTIVAL, ANU SCHOOL OF MUSIC (THE BAND ROOM); MARCH 29-APRIL 22: MELBOURNE INTERNATIONAL COMEDY FESTIVAL, VICTORIA HOTEL (BANQUET ROOM); APRIL 27-29: PERTH COMEDY FESTIVAL, STATE THEATRE CENTRE OF WA (STUDIO UNDERGROUND); MAY 9-12: SYDNEY COMEDY FESTIVAL (THE COMEDY STORE)
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