How to: Be A Better Partner

The art of courtship is not dead — it’s just sometimes forgotten about. Even when in a relationship a man needs to continue courting a woman to keep things alive, sexy and exciting…

Surprise her with little gifts — flowers are always the easy sure-fire way of warming her heart – and, depending on your budget, do things that — tell her you thought of her throughout the day. Maybe she’s told you something that’s bothering her or she’s having trouble with. When she’s in survival mode with things weighing on her mind it’s hard to be open to romance. Offer to help her solve whatever is weighing on her mind.

Show her you’re a rock, solid and someone she can count on in good times and in bad. Be consistent. As with your career, the reason you’re successful is because you bring value to the table and offer consistency. The same goes for relationships, consistency is key. Just like you would do with your mother, father, daughter or son… show her what life would be like if she was in your life.

When she comes home surprise her with dinner, surprise her with flowers — just because. Maybe buy her a nice dress you think she would look beautiful in or maybe it’s her favourite designer, then take her out for a nice dinner just because it is a way of letting her know how much you appreciate her and love her and make her feel special. Plan a special night out or even a special day out for a picnic, bring her favourite bottle of champagne, chocolate covered strawberries… it’s the little details that show her you’re thinking of her and are committed to her and not starting to take her for granted. Plan a weekend getaway, get a couples massage…

The reason things become Mundane in a relationship is because people don’t keep the spice alive and these aforementioned little things will make sure the spice in the relationship is kept alive. I know with every day work and stresses these things can be forgotten about or seem too tedious to plan when you can just sit on the couch and watch TV with each other, but in actuality doing these things will alleviate some of the daily stresses because it will bring you closer together and reinforce your bond in your partnership. Even saying things like, “I truly appreciate what you’re doing” or “That made me feel truly special” and “You look beautiful today” can go a long, long way. You might say I’ve done that or this but maybe it’s time to hit the refresh button and do it again. People have a way of taking things for granted in life and that is why most relationships fail.

Of course, this is a two way street and both of you will have to show each other that you appreciate and respect one another and can depend on each other. You’re both loyal, honest and bring value to the table. That is what a true partnership is all about. Two people who complement each other and no matter what, they’re solid. Sure you’ll have your differences, your ups and downs, your arguments, but at the end of the day you’re there for each other. You are family – with or without kids. You build your own sacred world with each other that nobody can destroy.

Which brings me to oversharing with other family members, friends and colleagues — never a good idea. I don’t have to tell you that you never bring your personal life into business and vice versa. It’s unprofessional and your personal life has no place amongst colleagues. With family and friends, it creates friction not only between you and your partner but also family members and friends that are now involved in your issues and will feel the need to meddle. It can feel like a violation of loyalty and trust to your partner. Discuss things with your partner or seek couple counselling. Make sure you both agree and feel comfortable with you’re the latter. Work things out together, as a team. Here’s some tips on coping with issues and problems…

Reevaluate Bad Habits
A bad habit is simply a behaviour pattern most people often don’t even realise they’re doing. By pointing out a bad habit to your partner, you’re making them understand the effect a bad habit is having on your relationship that will usually force them to reevaluate the habit and take actions to immediately change. I don’t have to tell you that if they don’t change then you already know what to do.

Cover The Endearing Qualities
To women the most endearing qualities of a guy are: The way he treats his mother with love and respect; The way he treats and loves his children; The fact he goes out of his way to make you feel safe and secure; The way other people such as his partners and peers respect him; The kindness and generosity he often shows to strangers who need help.

Cover The Qualities That Make A Partner Say, “No Thanks!”
Let’s face it, as partners we all put up with certain things and often look the other way in an attempt to keep the relationship on track and enduring. However, there are certain things that no partner should ever allow and if these things happen, or continue, it might just be the time to say, “No thanks!”

Dealing With Cheating
There is something to be said about having strong morals and convictions when it comes to the sacredness of fidelity. Infidelity and looking for pleasure outside the partnership can only lead to one thing — pain and suffering for each partner. Cheating is way too much work and too much lying. You will both end up being hurt so save yourselves the pain and don’t do it. Moreover, you wouldn’t like it if she cheated on you — at the end of the day there is a reason you fell in love with this girl and at one time she was the only woman you could think about. Never lose sight of this — treat her
with respect because she deserves better.

Learn From Past Mistakes
This is a tough one and from my experience it’s sometimes like an endless merry-go-round. Your partner makes a mistake, they feel terrible, they vow never to do it again, time passes, they forget and they end up making the same mistake again. I’ve learnt that unless you truly understand why you’ve made this mistake and more importantly understand the negative effects your mistake has had on your partner, you will never be able to break that pattern. You should start by becoming aware of your mistakes and learning to see what you can learn from them. Next time you make a mistake analyse why you did it, how it affected your partner and make a commitment to both yourself and your partner that you will make changes in your life so that those same mistakes don’t keep happening.

Take The Good Qualities And Make Them Better
This final piece of advice is actually quite simple and straightforward. For all those good qualities you love and admire in your partner make sure you let them know. You’d be surprised by letting them know what you love and they will continue doing these things and strive to make them better. ■


For the full article grab the September 2020 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.

The DS X E-Tense Concept

Shazeeda Gafoor