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Em Rusciano

24 HOURS TO LIVE

The Australian comedian, writer, singer and TV and radio presenter takes us through her last day on earth…

What can audiences expect from your upcoming shows in “The Rage & Rainbows Tour”?
An unleashing, understanding and ultimately joyful unloading of the rage they’ve been carrying around, but perhaps not really sure why. Five original songs – some of which were written with Kate Miller-Heidke, an eight-piece band and 12 classically trained dancing vaginas. If nothing else, I can promise them that. They cost me a fortune – I got stung in shipping from the states, then customs held them hostage. They’ve had a harrowing journey to the stage to say the least. 

How do you want to leave this world?
In my nineties, after a hot shower, wearing fresh PJs laying in my bed with crisp clean sheets. I just want to put RuPaul’s Drag Race season 80 on my laptop and drift off. It’s truly my happy place. I currently practise this death ritual at least once a week – without the dying part. 

Are you going to Heaven or Hell? 
Neither. I intend on haunting all of my nearest and dearest for all of eternity. I’m going to make a pretty fabulous ghost. I do love a dramatic entrance and so the idea of springing from the wall or a light fitting really appeals to me.

What would you say to God if you did get to Heaven?
Can I please go back – I’ve got some people to really f–k with!

Which legendary people will you hang out with in the afterlife?
Prince, Freddie Mercury and my nana Denise Arlene Spence. Three tiny, camp people with a passion for sassy small heeled boots and high waisted pants. They all influenced me in huge ways.

What do you know now that you didn’t know at 15?
Clear plastic bra straps aren’t, in fact, invisible, white jeans will never be practical and admitting when you’ve stuffed up is much easier than lying about it. 

What’s the dumbest thing you ever did on Earth?
Paid thousands of dollars in shipping fees for a dozen vulvas from America because I’d already purchased said vulvas and had no other way of getting them to Australia in time for my tour. 

What are your friends saying over your casket? 
“Her winged eyeliner really is some impressive, precise work. Five stars. Would recommend.” 

What or who would you like to be reincarnated as?
Any of Beyonce’s children. 

What’s written on your tombstone? 
“She was exhausted and misunderstood but still managed to maintain a strong passion for sequins.” 

Got any last words? 
Right now? Come and see the show, the vaginas were VERY expensive. 

Catch Em Rusciano’s The Rage and Rainbows Tour around Australia from July 19 – details at frontiercomedy.com

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