Is it a thing? Do you have it? If so, how can you avoid it? Wellness expert, lifestyle coach and bestselling author ANDI LEW investigates…
Everything is done on our smart phone now, including finding a date or potential lover, partner or marriage. With a double tap, swipe, scroll and a couple messages, we’ve been sold on the notion that we can be in the comfort of our own world, couch, bed or office space, finding LURV. When it all seems this easy and convenient, chances are there could be a “sounds like it’s too good to be true? It probably is” aspect attached to it.
However, if you’re not having much success or luck in the dating game on apps, chances are you could start to chip away at your self-esteem. Here are some common problems:
- You don’t get any matches.
- You get fake profile matches.
- You match but they don’t message you and you land up getting deleted or removed.
- You match but feel like you’re having a conversation with yourself!
- You match, have great banter, but your love interest asks for your other social media and you’re ghosted!
- You match and meet but there’s no chemistry.
Seems like a lot of disappointment from one dating app doesn’t it?
Next minute, you’re deleting every app you ever downloaded, telling all your friends that dating apps are rubbish and decide to become celibate or hate the female species whilst telling everyone on your other social media how bad that dating app was. All these things can be avoided. I’ve been there! I put myself through four gruelling years of being a serial dating app dater so that I could understand how you feel. Then I wrote a book about how to “clock it” and swipe right or double tap for more than a match!
So, taking all this into consideration, do you have dating app depression? Maybe. You can actually start to feel down without realising it. The average person is using three dating apps at a time – but don’t blame the app, blame the game!
Learn how to turn texts into dates, find the best #datingapp for you, and don’t make it be the “be all and end all!” Remember to have a life. Don’t wait for the three dots! Dating apps are just another connection that adds to your many choices of meeting new potential #love interests! Play the game properly or sit on the sidelines. You really need to be ready before you start dating. My favourite saying is, “Love when you’re ready not when you’re lonely”.
As a dating app expert and certified wellness coach; I’d like to suggest these two important things:
- TAKE A BREAK. You might need to not delete the apps, but make them inactive for a while and work on yourself, read my book, make your life about other things and try not to crave finding a partner. As cliché as it sounds, it always happens when you least expect it and with dating apps, it’s no different. Just because a match is instant, doesn’t mean the relationship is.
- LIMIT YOUR SWIPE TIME. Control your app time to certain times of the day and for no longer than an hour. Once you match, try to transfer the conversion to another platform. It may be Instagram or you may pick up the phone for a call or even video chat. Dating apps are not a solution to ending your Singledom! It’s merely an introduction.
BLUE LIGHT BLOCKERS
When you’re using tech, try to use blue light blocking glasses. The blue light emitted from the technology robs your brain of a hormone called melatonin which is what you produce to be able to fall asleep. If you can’t produce this it’ll be hard to get a healthy slumber pattern and you may find yourself waking tired if you’re swiping before bedtime. Wearing these glasses can remove up to 50% of this blue light and you should probably also turn off all tech at least an hour before bed as well anyway. Make sure you set your phone screen on night mode and then when you’re sleeping, turn it off completely.
Dating apps are fun. Don’t get depressed about it and take a healthy approach to this new way of connecting with people we wouldn’t normally be able to meet. You just need a book of rules. I’m it! If you’re interested in my book and still want more, I’m available for private coaching, so feel free to slide into my Instagram DM and enquire!
Bestselling author Andi Lew launches her seventh book #instalovers after appearing on several TV shows both in Australia, and recently the US, as a Wellness Expert. You may recognise Andi from when she played Cupid on Australia’s popular dating show Shopping For Love and she was also the original Ultra Tune girl. As a certified wellness and lifestyle coach, she married her obsession with helping you have more love and connectedness in your life – and partners it with a healthy dose of flirt! Stay connected with Andi via Instagram @andi.lew
For the full article grab the July 2019 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.