Do we really have to have the size discussion anymore? Yes, there is still a debate to be had but these days it’s not a matter of size but what size exactly…
The size debate is unfair and doesn’t even make sense when you start to cut down the facts. Researching for a podcast on penis size, I came across a non-surgical penis enlargement procedure whereby the same filler that is injected into faces can also be injected into the shaft of a penis. But before you throw your hands up in the air and your pants down with glee, this procedure only increases the width of your member at flaccid stance. So, what’s the point? It was explained to me as the equivalent to a woman receiving a breast enhancement, for self-confidence and femininity. Does the issue of size have anything to do with sexual performance and just about feeling bigger and more masculine when standing at the urinal next to other men?
I asked a group of women two questions: 1. Does size matter; and 2. If so, what size is too small? Unanimously, every female in this group agreed to the first, size did matter but the explanation I received for what size did was just baffling. Some used their hands to show me what they thought was too small, other used fingers guessing from experiencing what it seemed to feel like. Some just used stories of men who were tinier than they would have liked but couldn’t express in words or numbers what that word ‘tiny’ meant. But the one thing they all agreed, even if a guy had a tiny penis but chemistry and intimacy was present, size didn’t matter — there’s a relief!
Size does matter to women but they can’t tell you what size does and the size that matters might differ from person to person? So, one person might find you’re more than enough whilst another will be dreaming of a few inches more? This is the problem with the size debate. We know from locker room conversation and cocktails with chicks that it is spoken about, but there is no universal measurement that people will tell you at what point it’s considered too small. To make this debate even more unfair, if it was a guy talking about a woman’s vagina and how tight or not it felt, women would be up in arms in disgust, but yet we so freely discuss the size of a guy’s member without any adequate measurements to talk about it with.
And what size? Girth or length? Would you rather be thin and long or short and fat? What’s better? Size does matter but what measurement exactly are we all concerned about it? And should we factor in the average size, which is not even a good enough measurement of adequacy as it just represents what a common penis size is per a country that you live in. Women might still think you are not big enough and even those above average still dream of a bit of extra length. And what about guys with really tiny penises? Ant Smith, who is known to have the UK’s smallest penis, has written a book, fronted a major media campaign and is married. Is a smaller penis even really that much of a big deal? Sorry for those feeling vulnerable right now with the use of the word ‘big’ but you know what is a big deal — a big penis.
The same debate can be had at the other end of the scale. There is a point where a man can be too big and instead of just disappointed over the lack of a few inches, it is physical pain and discomfort that is had. However, once again women are not able to adequately describe or agree at what point a man is bigger than they would like. Roberto Esquivel Cabrera from Mexico spots the world’s biggest penis at 18.9 inches and has refused a penis reduction surgery as he prefers fame to a sex life — with an active sex life being apparently off limits for him with too much girth. When living in the US, Roberto attempted to have sex twice. The first woman backed out when she saw the size of his member and the other had to stop because it was too painful. At least Mr Smith has a wife whom he can have sexual intercourse with.
For those of you who are feeling like a self-conscious female with small boobs, just like bigger breasts won’t necessary change anything in the sexual performance point of view expect for confidence, neither will a few inches in length. One of my favourite sexual facts is that as much as 80% of women achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation. And for those still a bit rusty in the female anatomy department, the clitoris sits on the outside of the vaginal canal. No penis can directly simulate that point during intercourse, big or small, but you can with fingers, tongues and vibrators. I assure you if you hit the right spots with other appendages, it won’t be penis size she is thinking about.
So, if size does matter, then why? Maybe it has nothing to do with sexual performance and everything to do with you guys competing at urinals and in locker rooms. And don’t look at women for the answers in terms of what is the ideal, we can’t seem to agree and are potentially just continuing the size conversation we hear from men, thinking that at some point the inches make a difference.
Let’s just settle this debate — size does matter, but we don’t know what size does. Size does matter but it shouldn’t when it comes to orgasms and pleasure. Maybe penis size is more like breast size — a fixture of self-confidence instead of sexual performance as it’s not necessarily a direct correlation of sexual satisfaction, but we will talk about it as though it is anyway.
Instead of worrying if you are a few inches too short, why not own whatever size you have and focus on other things in the bedroom that count. Hello foreplay! And if it is all about the locker room and urinals impacting a man’s penis self-esteem, get changed at home and close the door behind you when you pee. ■
Dr Nikki Goldstein is a Sexologist, Relationship Expert, Author and host of the podcast SEX & Life on Podcast One
For the full article grab the May 2018 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.