When She’s Into a Quickie
At your cousin’s wedding: You rented a tux, I’m wearing a bridesmaid dress I hate, and we shelled out a month’s salary on airfare and an artisanal waffle maker the happy couple will probably never use. We did not do this for a dry filet mignon. If someone’s getting married, we should at least be getting off.
and better still
Just before Kimmel is on: In a (private) karaoke booth. On the kitchen counter. In the shower, before soap. In the club bathroom. On our lunch break. Before a long car ride, because it’ll be a while.
At your cousin’s dinner party: There is a moment of opportunity. It comes after we’ve all gotten up from the table, when the alcohol keeps flowing, when it seems we’ll all be here a while, and when I’ve run out of things to say to whoever has cornered me. This is when you rescue me. I’ll need a pick-me-up before returning to the crowd.
or if you’re lucky
Before work, if I’m not running late: In a movie theatre. When I have a cold. After the gym. At a music festival. At a playground, at night. On a first date, because our roommates are home.
At your cousin’s baby shower: A quickie is supposed to make me feel sexy, not like a train wreck. Do I want to feign enthusiasm over tiny pants? I don’t. But I do it because it is expected of me, and because I don’t make the rules. Let me be a (temporarily) responsible adult. There’s no need to rub in all the sex these new parents won’t be having.
While stuck in traffic: While grocery shopping. At your niece’s ballet recital. When the walls are too thin. After an episode of The Walking Dead. At a theme park. On the beach, because sand isn’t worth it.
The Best Time Is Any Time
He stands behind her, gripping her naked waist. She braces herself, forearms pressed against the dressing-room wall. One minute and 15 seconds later, climax reached, it’s over. The couple gets dressed and rejoins the world — but a video of their brief tryst makes its way online, is viewed more than three million times, and turns the store, a Beijing Uniqlo, into an international tourist destination. The footage has earned its spot as this year’s most viral quickie, but it’s certainly not the only one. Another pair gained fame for a fast ride in a Boston subway station. A British couple got busy in a phone booth, became local celebrities, then proudly let a reporter interview them outside the fateful box. And there’s many more — check out the Internet Sensation of the Year category in the MAXIM Awards on page 46.
No other act in our sex arsenal marries lust, convenience, and sinful impulsivity like the quickie — and now, in the smartphone age, a public rendezvous can make for viral gold, too. But the quickie isn’t just a social-media stunt or a crutch for lackluster bedroom longevity. Women still want to go all night, and we always will — because in all likelihood, a quickie won’t be the greatest sex of our life. It means navigating awkward positions, and odds are she won’t get off. But the rapid spike of anticipation, followed by an instant gratification, is something no marathon session can match. When the right moment strikes, giving in to the urgency of the feeling — however irrational, however ill-considered — makes it exponentially hotter. That’s why these viral videos are more than just gawk-worthy. For women, they deliver a fantasy played out in pixels. It’s an incredible turn-on to know our men crave us so deeply that they don’t want to wait.
And yet, it’s scary getting busy where you don’t belong. The videos can function like a public service — a collective coming out that proudly shouts, “Look! See! We all do it!” Maybe don’t get going on a public fountain like a Russian couple did recently — we’re not all exhibitionists, and jail isn’t sexy — but if a man is bold enough to entice a woman past some closed door, I’m telling you: She will follow.
“I had sex with a guy in a cab after meeting him that same night.” — Casey*, 28
Back up; where did you guys meet?
I was at a rooftop party with a bunch of girlfriends and made eyes with a guy wearing, of all things, a denim vest. I complimented him on it because he stood out. And because he was good-looking.
But be real — were you into the denim vest at all?
I was just looking for an excuse to talk to him. We started flirting, and as the party was shutting down, we exchanged numbers. But he was really playful and engaging — like, he seemed very into it — and so I decided I didn’t want to wait, and I left with him.
Here comes the cab!
Yeah. We got stuck in traffic with about 40 blocks to go, and we started making out. And then the making out got heavier — you know, bodies shifting into position. Before I knew it, I was lying down with my head against the door and he was on top of me. I was wearing a dress, so my skirt was hiked up.
Still, there’s a big leap between that and backseat sex.
We were sort of dancing around it, but we couldn’t pretend that we both weren’t thinking about it. I don’t think either of us actually intended to have sex in a cab, but my panties came off and then it was just sort of…happening! Once we got started, we both just went for it.
Did the cabdriver notice?
Not at first. Then we were driving up an empty street, and the cabbie turned around quickly, did a double take, and said, “Are you f—king her? Are you f—king her?” And he pulled over.
Oh my God. While you’re still having sex?
What did you do?
We stopped pretty quickly and just said, “No. No. No. No. Keep driving. Do not stop right now.”
Were you anywhere near his place?
We were close. He kept driving, and we collected ourselves. Then the cab pulled up to his apartment building, and I bolted out, panties in hand. And the driver yelled out to the doorman, “He was f—king her!”
Damn! The cabbie completely blew up your spot.
Completely. But you know, in the heat of the moment, we were kinda fine with that. Like, there was no real harm done.
So what then? Was the mood ruined or was is all good?
Oh, no. We went up to his place and got back to it. And the next morning, my girlfriends made fun of me for going home with a guy in a demin vest.
By Ali Drucker
For the full article grab the January 2016 issue of MAXIM Australia.
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