How do you want to go?
I guess I’d like to go out the way everyone would want to go out — lay down, go to sleep, and it just happens. What, you want me to go out guns f—king blazing? The one thing I’ve never thought about is how I’d like to die. I never think about dying. There are a lot of people freaked out by death but I’m not at all. How about we talk about how we don’t want to die?
OK, GO FOR IT.
I don’t want to get eaten by a shark and I don’t want to be burned alive. These are the two ways I positively know I do NOT want to leave this world. You don’t want to be shark shit.
Do you have any deathbed confessions?
Nah, I’m a big believer that all those things you’ve got locked up in the closet, in the back of your brain, you leave there.
What’s your last meal?
A meat pie from Harry’s Café de Wheels in Sydney. No joke, but I ate there pretty much every day when I was in Australia recently. I don’t get the one with the mashed peas, just the gravy and potato.
Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
I’m going straight to Hell – do not pass ‘Go’, do not collect $200! I don’t believe in any of that Heaven and Hell shit, but I just think I’d have more fun in Hell.
What do you say to the Devil when you get there?
Go easy on me.
Who do you want to hang out with in the afterlife?
I’d want to hook up with Clint Eastwood and hang out with him for a while. He’s one of my all-time favourites. People always ask me who I want to meet and he’s one guy I’d love to meet.
Well, there’s still time as he’s not actually dead.
Yeah, I know, he’s just one of my heroes and if I ever did meet him I’d probably be all nerdy and ask him all kinds of questions about his life.
To whom on Earth do you owe an apology?
I’m not a big apologetic guy, it is what it is with me, but there has to be somebody who I owe an apology to. There’s got to be someone I’ve pissed off or offended in some way. Um… look, I’ve already made the peace with Justin Timberlake. He and I had a falling out a few years ago, and I was a bit harsh, but we’ve since squashed our beef. [Dana called JT “the biggest douchebag I have ever met in my life” after Timberlake denied Dana’s kids a photo with him backstage at the 2013 Nickelodeon Kids’ Choice Awards].
What about saying “sorry’ to the WBC or WBF?
That’s funny but boxing needs to apologise to its fans. Boxing has killed itself – it had nothing to do with me.
What’s the dumbest thing you ever did on Earth?
I’ve done a lot of dumb shit but here’s my copout – most of the dumb shit I do is usually because I’ve been drinking. Actually, I did something very stupid during my trip to Australia. The UFC has a sponsorship deal with Reebok and I got off the plane decked-out, head-to-toe, in Nike gear. To make things worse, the paparazzi were everywhere because I had rock star Rousey with me, so the picture was f—king everywhere! That’s the dumbest thing I’ve done in a long time and it’s also dumb that I’m telling you as this will now be printed in MAXIM but, hey, I’m being honest!
What are your mates saying over your casket?
“Shit, who is going to pay for dinner now?”
What’s written on your tombstone?
Probably the word ‘f–k’. I want ‘f–k’ somewhere on my tombstone.
Got any last words?
You know what? I’m only 47 and I’ve lived such a full life. I’ve lived the life of 100 people, man. So, I don’t have any last words. Like every parent I’m just really into my kids, but my thing is when I’m dead the only thing I give a shit about is that my kids think I was a good dad. I don’t care what anybody has to say about me, or what I did for a living, or any of that stuff. ■
For the full article grab the November 2015 issue of MAXIM Australia.
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