The orgasm gap was born when a U.S. study revealed that 95% of heterosexual men climaxed during sex in comparison to only 65% of women. Whilst I applaud any research into the “big O” and human sexuality, I do think this coined phrase has some major issues. So what is the problem with the orgasm gap? Here’s my take on it…
SEX IS ABOUT THE JOURNEY NOT THE DESTINATION
The problem with the supposed “orgasm gap’ is it assumes that climaxing is the purpose of sexual pleasure, when it’s clearly not. Approaching sex with the ambition of getting your rocks off is a selfish way to enter f–kery – sex doesn’t have to end because one partner orgasms. Placing limitations on sexual intimacy is simultaneously damaging and reductive. If one or both partners don’t pass the finishing line, you haven’t failed. Sex is not a race or a competition, yet the orgasm gap tries to make it so.
NO ORGASM? NO PROBLEM!
The orgasm gap assumes that sex without an orgasm is somehow inferior. Marathon sex sessions full of sweat and passion would suggest otherwise. I mean, you spend two hours of your time humping and pumping, yet apparently it’s a flop? I don’t think so. Whilst orgasms are a bonus of sex, they certainly don’t make up the whole.
MAKING PEOPLE FEEL CRAPPY ABOUT THEIR SEX LIFE IS A DOUBLE NEGATIVE
The orgasm gap essentially makes people feel shit about themselves. It shames men for having the audacity to cum and shames women who are unable to do so. Are feelings of self-loathing and regret good for anyone’s sex life? The answer is no. Stop disseminating this type of rubbish!
WE CAN FIX YOUR PROBLEM… NOT!
On top of all of this, the orgasm gap is used by advertisers to sell products to “fix” sexual issues. Companies prey on the insecurities of females and the sexual shaming of males. They convince them to purchase goods they don’t actually need. Never forget that slogans like “the orgasm gap” are great for making a buck and turning a profit.
The orgasm gap is a term you’ll hear bandied around by feminists and misandrists as another way to beat men down – any excuse to dig their heels in! Do we really need a gender war in the bedroom? How on earth will that achieve any evolved outcome? Conflict between the sexes should stay out of the bedroom – permanently.
Although men don’t ejaculate every time they orgasm or orgasm every time they ejaculate, it’s pretty obvious that the orgasm gap is biologically inclined. It makes sense that men orgasm more than women – to spread their seed and further the species. Who is anyone to argue with billions of years of evolution? Not me.
Not all sex is hetero. The study that the orgasm gap was birthed from included research into other sexualities as well, yet their experiences have been erased. It’s all about how many orgasms women have in comparison to men. Erasure much?
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN SEXUAL PLEASURE
Do not expect another human being to be responsible for your climax. The orgasm gap is a blame game in a race to the bottom of the barrel. Take responsibility for your own sexual pleasure and stop passing the buck.
Look, the “orgasm gap” is a meaningless turn of phrase that incites blaming, shaming and guilt-tripping. If you want to enjoy a better sex life, do some research or have an open and honest discussion with your partner/s. Just don’t feel pressured into being an orgasm-donor – you aren’t running a charity or a shop. Their sexual pleasure is THEIR responsibility.
BY VANESSA DE LARGIE
Vanessa de Largie is an Australian actress, sex columnist and freelance journalist based in London
For the full article grab the October 2019 issue of MAXIM Australia from newsagents and convenience locations. Subscribe here.