The Australian comedian and actor discusses his last day on Earth…
Have you ever felt like one of your jokes has died with an audience?
Yes, further down this interview I ask God if he’s ever looked in the mirror when he’s wanked – hat’s not guaranteed to go down well.
How do you want to leave this world?
Having earnt my death.
What’s your last meal?
Three scrambled eggs cooked with butter, a filter coffee and an Iggy’s Croissant – if you’ve never been, go to Iggy’s in Bronte, Sydney – immediately.
Are you going to Heaven or Hell?
Well, some people would relegate me to the fiery pits of hell and others would give me a pass to send me to heaven. I think I’d go to heaven? Maybe – but some of my favourite people might be in hell.
What do you say to God when you get there?
“Hey, God, thanks for having me! I’m very grateful. Have you ever masturbated while looking at a mirror?”
What’s the greatest Nick Boshier joke or body of work that never saw the light of day?
I had this character called “Cassius” that was going to be a part of Soul Mates, but the character never made it to the final show. He was REALLY naughty. This isn’t the “greatest” joke or anything like that, but he had a chloroform based perfume called “Sans Consent”. I understand why he didn’t make an ABC show.
To whom on Earth do you owe an apology?
Probably anyone I dated in my 20s.
What’s the dumbest thing you ever did on Earth?
At 16 I yelled “piggerrrrrrrrz” at a group of police who were shutting down a party I was at. That was not smart. The second dumbest thing I did was telling the police officer that I wanted to be a Prefect of my school so he would think I was a stand-up guy and let me out of said paddy wagon for calling said police, “Piggggerrzzzzz”.
Which of the seven deadly sins gave you the most trouble?
All of them, to an extent, but Envy would the one I’m most conscious of.
What are the Rostered On cast saying over your casket?
Jesus wept. For a guy that wanked on about health shit, life-longevity and “bulletproof coffee” as much as he did – I’m surprised* he’s the first of us to go. *relieved.
What are your last words?
“See you soon.”
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